IVF: What to expect

When we first started trying, I assumed it would happen quickly and easily. We were in our early thirties and had no fertility issues (that I was aware of then) so it never occurred to me that we would struggle to fall pregnant. But a year on, and still not pregnant, I was becoming increasingly upset and frustrated. We decided to see a fertility specialist. She checked my egg quality and count and my husband’s sperm, and she did an ultrasound of my uterus. Everything came back ‘normal’. But to ensure I was ovulating regularly, she prescribed Clomid. Three months later, no pregnancy.

It was then some friends mentioned IVF. They told us that if we were having trouble conceiving, we could “just do IVF.” Problem solved. And I believed them. But it didn’t just magically happen for us. In fact, it took us six years to have our beautiful son, born through gestational surrogacy.  

Reflecting back, here’s some things I wish I had known before starting IVF.

It’s a marathon, not a sprint

I assumed that IVF would guarantee a baby, and the first IVF transfer would work. I think many of us assume this. But sadly, for many people, it takes multiple transfers. I think if you go into IVF with those expectations in mind, it will make it a bit easier if it doesn’t work right away.

It’s a waiting game

There’s lots of waiting when you’re in the throes of fertility treatment. Waiting for an appointment, waiting to get started, waiting for the right time to transfer, and of course, the dreaded Two Week Wait. Waiting can be tortuous. Especially the Two Week Wait, in my opinion. I always found it useful to keep busy, distract myself and do things that made me happy. Often that meant going for walks, catching up with friends, having a weekend away or binging a TV series. 

Self-care is crucial

There’s no sugar coating it, infertility is tough. It’s an emotional roller coaster. It can be emotionally and physically draining so be kind to yourself and put yourself first. Whether that means setting boundaries and saying no to certain things (i.e., baby showers, gender reveal parties) or doing something just for you.

The medication side effects can also be brutal. Everyone is different so you may have mild side effects, or you may experience a truck load. If it’s a lot, self-care is vital. Finally, I found therapy helpful. I first started seeing a therapist – who also did hypnosis – after our second pregnancy loss and she was instrumental in helping me heal and navigate the next chapter. 

Be your own advocate

It took me a while to advocate for myself but once I did, it was invaluable. Come to your appointments prepared with questions, do your research, talk to others going through IVF and get a second opinion if you feel you need it. You can read more in our article on advocating for yourself during fertility treatment.

Some people will get it, others won’t

I was shocked that so many people – who weren’t medical specialists – had an opinion. You may get tonnes of unsolicited advice from “You just need to relax” to “It will happen when you stop trying.” Comments like these are hurtful and ridiculous. Infertility is a reproductive disease that affects 1 in 6 couples worldwide. “Just relax” is not a medical cure.

Connect with others

Talking to someone who is also going through IVF can help you feel less alone. You may also learn about different treatment options. Wish for a Baby Australia is a great way to meet others going through the same journey as you and to also meet all the fertility specialists under the one roof.